My father did not have the easiest childhood. He did not have the best relationship with his parents. He did not have the most luxurious life. However, he did have the strength and conviction to not only do well for himself but to make a promise that things would be different when he grew up.
And he made good on that promise. Everything he felt he had lacked he made sure we had, and then some. When my sister and I played sports it wasn’t enough to just attend the games. Dad had to coach. When it came to being part of a temple it wasn’t enough to just pay dues. Dad had to be on the board. Most importantly, when it came to expressing his feelings for his family, it wasn’t enough to occasionally give a simple hug or imply that he loved us. Dad had to say, “I love you” out loud and with true sincerity every time you left his presence.
My Dad was proud of me. He loved me with all of his heart and I know this because he made sure that he told me… often. He loved Mom, my sister and Hilary with all of his heart and I know this because he made sure that he told me… often.
I talked to him almost every day. I dreaded missing a phone call for two days in a row because it meant that I had to hear Dad tell me that he hadn’t heard from me in such a long time. He just wanted to know what was going on. “How is Hilary?” “How is work?” “How are your friends?”
Dad was happiest when those around him were happy. Above all else he valued his family and friends. True happiness was the gathering of both. Holidays, vacations, trips, bar mitzvahs and weddings. These were Dad’s golden moments. These were when he was the happiest.
Dad loved my Mom with every ounce of his being. There is nothing else to say about that because there are no words in any language to portray the extent of this love.
I’m going to miss him. Who will face down the world for us? Dad was gentle and it may be hard for some of us to think of him as threatening. That is because we were his. All of us were his to protect and provide for. But if you were on the outside and tried hurting one of his… no force on earth could keep him from you.
The trains. The overwhelming trains. I don’t think he ever loved the trains themselves. He loved that people enjoyed them. He loved that the hobby gave him a chance to interact with other people. He loved that Saba would come to the shows and help watch the tables. He loved getting emails about his train web site proclaiming thanks for bringing pleasure and nostalgia to people. His favorite part of the trains was undoubtedly having Mom bring her classes for a field trip to the house.
Jack & Liz let my Dad sleep easy at night. Dad always knew that if something happened to Mom and him that my sister and I would be in good hands. Dad loved them so very much. He also had a special place in his heart for Shanna, Justin, Danny and Zack. He bragged about their accomplishments as though they were those of his own children.
My friends are stuck with me now. My college roommates used to dream up scenarios where they could still be friends with my parents and me not so much. Yes, I was a target for friendly teasing. But make no mistake; I had it nothing like Dad. Who will we tease now?
If you asked Dad, he was the luckiest man on earth. He had everything he needed in his family and friends. He was so incredibly proud of my sister and me and felt so blessed to be with Mom. He knew how rare and precious each and every one of his friends was. He knew to savor every moment he was with his family. He was so happy to be able to give his daughter a hug and tell her that he loved her.
In this situation, Dad would tell us all that he loved us. Then he would tell us to never forget him. Then he would tell us to get off of our rear ends and move on. We honor my Dad better with our happy memories and smiles than with tears.
Make sure that whenever you remember my Dad you smile. Learn from him and follow his example. When you think of him, call or turn to someone you cherish and say out loud, “I love you.”